It's not here or there; it's here and there

After spending two months in Taiwan I came to realize that I had been asking the wrong question all along! The right question to ask is not here or there but here and there. You see, I spent half of my life in Taiwan and half in the U.S. And for the past twenty years no matter how much "positive thinking" and meditation I did I felt there was something missing in my life; I felt incomplete and torn. I felt I had to choose between becoming an American or a Chinese.

The "Aha Moment" came when I attended my first grade school reunion, after being graduated for 44 years! I saw 30-40 classmates from the Air Force Children's Primary School, Xinzhu Taiwan. I couldn't remember most of their names but the faces I recognized instantly and the memories washed over me like a tsunami. The boy I had the hots for, the "not-so-bright" kids I protected from the bullies because I had privileges as the teacher's pet and a "good" student, the cute girl I secretly envied. But the Aha Moment came when some of them, like myself, live in the U.S. but spend half of the year in Taiwan! Why didn't I think of it?!

I'm sure you can relate to this even if you never left the U.S. You grew up in the East, South or the MidWest and now you live in the PNW: You spend your youth running as far away from your first "home", you worked hard during your 30s & 40s trying to prove that you were "somebody", independent and different from your parents, now in your 50s you wonder why, like the salmons, you are propelled by this mysterious and irresistible urge to swim back to the place where you were born, so that life goes on when your decomposed body becomes food for the river and the forest.

Just some random thoughts, probably incoherent as I just landed two nights ago. I'm still under the cultural shock of how quiet and green it is here. Good to be back and writing again.

Live to Write or Write to Live?

Northwest is a gardener's paradise and nothing makes a gardener happier than working outside. I did just that this morning instead of writing. I planted sugar and snow peas, purple, red and yellow finger potatoes, and collard greens. Every spring I experience exhilaration witnessing what is coming up and planning what to grow and anxiety over how much there is to do. This morning was no exception except the anxiety was amplified because I'm leaving for Asia in a week and I won't be back until late April. On the one hand I'm excited about conducting researches for my book project, on the other hand I am feeling conflicted about compromising one life passion(gardening) for another(writing).

I'm faced with a paradox - what I love to write about is what I love to do, if I give up what I love to do, what is there to write about? But I also know it is rather limiting to write solely from my own experiences, I am curious about people not only in the U.S. but all over the world who share similar passions in food, culture, and the environment, and write about their thoughts, values and experiences. Is this what "act locally, think globally" means? I don't know. What I do know is I need to live to write; not the other way around.

The Seven Sisters Clams

It is the clamming season! My partner and a neighbor have been going to the Seven Sisters Beach near the Hood Canal Bridge to harvest clams. I've been itchy to try this recipe for years because it reminds me of home. This dish to seafood restaurants in Taiwan is like burgers and fries to American diners. When we first moved to the Northwest I was excited about the prospect of cooking and eating more fresh seafood. One would think it was a realistic expectation considering we were moving from the landlocked Midwest. I have been greatly disillusioned. Not only the store-bought and restaurant-served seafood are not fresh most of the time, the prices are unaffordable for us volunteers of simple living to eat regularly. And the kicker is unless you go to the top restaurants which we can't afford, your choices are pan-fried, deep-fried and battered-fried! What is the difference? The seafood we've enjoyed the most has been gifts from friends and neighbors who were the actual fishermen; salmon, tuna, crab, oysters, and even dog fish once. (It makes great miso soup,) Now clams! If you are going to steam the clams, instead of using lots of butter for dipping, try mixing soy sauce and rice vinegar in 1: 2 ratio and minced ginger. Try it, you would like it, I guarantee it.

Ingredients:

15-20 medium clams*

1 Tbsp of green onion, ginger, garlic, red chili pepper

1 tsp soy sauce

1 tsp sugar

1 cup of basil

2 Tbsp oil

* I let the clams sit in natural salt water for a day or two to get the sand out. Before cooking I brush-cleaned the shells and let them sit in regular clean water while I prepared the other ingredients.

Directions:

1. Heat oil in a wok or skillet until hot. Add green onion, ginger and garlic, stir-fry 30 seconds until fragrant.

2. Add clams, soy sauce, sugar, stir to coat, continue cooking with medium heat until all the clams are open. Add a little water if needed, usually not necessary as there will be enough juices from the clams.

3. Add basil, cook for one minute and serve.

This dish can be served as an appetizer or a main dish for two with vegetables and rice.

Bon Appetite or should I say "Itdakimasu" - "I humbly receive" as my Japanese friend Mayu and Yuko would say before meals.

Reminder: Before you start digging, you need to apply for a license and follow the rules published by the Washington Department of Fish and Wildlife.

Rashomon

It was the third time I watched Akira Kurosawa's "Rashomon". The first time was 30 years ago and each time I "saw" and "perceived" the movie differently. If you have seen the movie you would know the perception of reality is at the heart of the story. The story is about a rape/murder case happened in the woods and the accounts of all involved. The rapist, the victims of rape and murder, the witnesses( a monk and a woodcutter) told their side of the story at a local courthouse. Each story was told in such a vivid and paradoxically "truthful" way that the audience (me in this case) believed each version as it was told and totally forgot about the last one!

The story I'm making up today from watching "Roshomon" last night is this - our mind is a brilliant con artist. It makes up stories incessantly: about ourselves, others, nature, and the whole universe. Since there is no way and a waste of time really to pin down the so-called truth we might as well learn how to tell stories like Kurosawa.

For Being A Little Bad

My father used to say,

"You are incorrigible."

He wasn't angry,

in fact he was a little glad.

In Chinese dictionary,

Incorrigible consists of two characters:

Ren, Allowing,

Xing, Nature.

In English dictionary,

Incorrigible is an adjective,

That cannot be corrected or reformed,

especially because set in bad habits!

Laurie Anderson sang,

"When my father died, a whole library burned down to the ground."

Wondering Lotus sang,

"When my father died, a whole dictionary turned up becoming mine."

William Shakespeare said:

"Best men are moulded out of faults;

And, for the most, becomes much more the better

for being a little bad."

Be incorrigible I say,

Like the lotus grow and thrive in mud!

Bliss

Bliss was a sunny February afternoon,

I feasted on the golden rays;

Savored spoonful after spoonful of Joyce Carol Oates;

Drooled over Noodle and Mei Meis' playfulness,

Until when the desert was served:

"My Faith As A Writer

I believe that art is the highest expression of the human spirit.

I believe that we yarn to transcend the merely finite and ephemeral; to participate in something mysterious and communal called "culture" - and that this yearning is as strong in our species as the yarning to reproduce the species.

Through the local or regional, through our individual voices, we work to create art that will speak to others who know nothing of us. In our very obliqueness to one another, an unexpected intimacy is born.

The individual voice is the communal voice.

The regional voice is the universal voice.

- Joyce Carol Oates"

Bon Appetite!

You Don't Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right

"You Don't Have To Be Wrong For Me To Be Right" is a book I picked up at a garage sale last summer. It was written by Rabbi Brad Hirschfield, the president of the National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership, and a cohost of radio shows and TV series. I had never heard of him before but the title caught my eye, arouse my curiosity and it was marked 25 cents.

The book turned out to be a good read. Hirschfiled was a good story teller; personable, eloquent and convincing. From the stories he won my respect as someone who not only talked the talk but also walked the walk. He backed up his insights with real believable life experiences. I highly recommend it.

While I was reading the book and immediately after, "You don't have to be wrong for me to be right" became my daily koan and I was shocked as how much I did and behaved exactly the opposite - "For me to be right, you have to be wrong"! After the shock came the self-examination and I realized this unconscious habitual reaction to someone who disagreed or upset me was a learned response. I learned how to deal with conflicts primarily from my parents. When they disagreed they fought, my mother usually gave in, they made peace, until the next time or they complained to the third party, us, the children. My father's way to express disagreements was through anger and shouting; my mother through crying and silence. When disagreements erupted among the kids it didn't help when I was always made the "right" one because I was the youngest. Once I had a better understanding of how I learned my conflict-dealing skills I felt better about my lack of them. It is never too late to unlearn the old and learn anew. I have two koans now, the first is "you don't have to be wrong for me to be right". It nabs arguments right in the bud because there is nothing to prove. The second one is "I don't have to be wrong for you to be right." I think the second one might be even more helpful for women as we generally tend to assume guilt readily, for the sake of peace!

So, what is your koan today?