For My Wildish Un-Declawed Sisters

Sniff, Track, Hunt

Whenever I feel dry and frozen I read "Women Who Run With the Wolves" by  Clarissa Pinkola Estes. It was given to me in 1993, a year after I moved from Taiwan to Minneapolis, with two suitcases and an ill-fitted red coat on my back, no hat, no gloves, in the dead of winter. The person* who gave me the book was a transplant from Spokane, my American bosses family friend, my first woman friend in the new country.

Last night I felt drawn to the Ugly Duckling story and read until midnight while the snow whistled like a ghost in the wind. The light flickered uncertainly but the power never went out. Of all the stories in "Women Who Run with the Wolves" I keep returning to the Ugly Ducking, like recurring dreams. This morning I woke up and the crank in my neck disappeared and the snow was melting in the sun.

          " While it is useful to make bridges even to those groups one does not belong to, 

          and it is important to try to be kind, it is also imperative to not strive too hard, 

          to not believe too deeply that if one acts just right, if one manages to tie down 

        all the itches and twitches of the wildish criatura, that one can actually pass 

       for a nice, restrained, subdued, and demure lady-woman. 

        It is that kind of acting, that kind of ego-wish to belong at all costs, 

          that knocks out the Wild Woman connection in the psyche."

*Julie Neraas is a Presbyterian pastor, spiritual director, and professor in the Graduate Liberal Studies program at Hamline University. Her first book "Apprenticed to Hope" was published in 2009.

When Nulang Meets Zhinu - Round 1, The Call

Nulang, Water-Buffalo Boy and Zhinu, Silk-Weaving Girl are Chinese folklore characters. Their story was romantic and tragic, like Romeo and Juliet, only older, a few thousand years older. Nobody really knew what shenanigans Nulang and Zhinu got themselves into, only they were banished from the Jade Palace (English translation: Heaven) forever. Rumor has it drugs were involved and according to the legend the punishment for their stealing the Ecstasy for Immortality was permanent exile to live on the opposite bank of Yin He (Silver River, the Milky Way to you Westerners). On the third appeal the Jade Emperor agreed to let them cross the Silver River once a year. On the 7th night of the 7th Lunar month of every year, if you look up the sky and look very carefully you would spot the two most brilliant stars in the Milky Way, Nulang and Zhinu, still arguing about who's fault it was that they don't live in Heaven any more.



Round 1 - The Call

Zhinu came home from work tired. She finally found a job in the nearby town. Her past-life skills in the galaxy (global is the more hip word nowadays) commerce haven't proven to be in demand in the earthy community she lives in now. She tried house cleaning once, for a damn Republican, as Nulang likes to call everyone who makes more money than he does. But that didn't last long. After she insisted that her employer (a retired Admiral's wife) called her by her human name instead of "Yoohoo", she never heard from that woman again. Nulang told her she was being too proud and demanding, "No Americans can pronounce your name." "Well, I am not a cat."said Zhinu indignantly.

This summer with luck and a little networking Zhinu found a job teaching Chinese to five-year olds. It is hard work; five-year-olds have attention spans like fruit flies and they cry when Zhinu can't understand their 5-years-old English. Overall Zhinu is grateful to have found a job that is not going to break her back or makes her feel like a pet.

Nulang greeted her warmly. He is nice that way. He asked her how her lesson went, she said fine. She asked Nulang how his day went like American couples she saw on TV.

"Robert called and we talked for over an hour."said Nulang.

Robert is Nulang's high school friend. Zhinu feigned interest because she remembered the time when Nulang was working and she wasn't, she often waited all day for Nulang to come home so she could share the news of the day with him. Being a housewife or househusband is a lonely and thankless job.

"How is Robert?"
"He is okay I suppose."
"Is he still working at the hospital?"
"I guess."
"How is Julie?" Julie is Robert's wife whom Zhinu can't stand.
"I don't know, she didn't come up during the conversation."
"So, What did you talk about?"Zhinu knew it was a stupid question but she asked anyway.
"I don't know. This and That."
"For an hour?" Zhinu thought, not out loud.
"Robert might come visit." Nulang said after a few minutes as if he just remembered this insignificant detail.
"Did he say around when?" If Zhinu ruled the world she would like to know the exact hour if not the exact minute her guests would arrive but she knew she didn't rule the world, not yet, so she tactfully used the "around" word as to give her partner some space.
"No, he just said he would like to visit next year."
"Great." Zhinu chirped, a little too cheerfully, then she went on preparing her favorite lunch - Velvety Chicken and Vegetable Noodle Soup.

Ballsy Crabs- Spicy Good

Ingredients:
Makes about 8 Balls

1 Tablespoon olive oil
1/2 onion, minced
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 teaspoon jalapeno, minced(more if you like it hot)
1/2 red or green bell pepper
2/3 cup of corn
1 teaspoon each of cumin and  paprika
a dash of cayenne pepper and white pepper

3 cups of crab meat

1 egg white

1/4 cup mayonnaise
1 Tablespoon cilantro
Zest of 1 lemon
salt and black pepper
1-1/2 cup of Panko (Japanese Bread Crumb)

1. Heat a tablespoon of olive oil in a skillet with medium heat, saute onion, garlic, jalapeno, bell pepper corn and spices until tender, about 5 minutes. Set aside to cool. Preheat the oven to 425 degrees.

2. In a medium bowl, mix crab meat with egg white, mayo, salt, black pepper, cilantro, lemon zest and cooled vegetable mix. Gently combine with a fork.

3. Put Panko on a plate. Form crab mix into 2" balls in your hand and carefully roll them in the Panko, carefully lay them 1" apart on a lightly oiled cookie sheet. Sprinkle more Panko on top and gently pat it down. This step takes great care as the crab balls tend want to fall apart. They are not as ballsy as they sound.

4. Bake until golden brown on the top, about 20 minutes.

They can be enjoyed as a warm appetizer, put one or two on a lettuce leaf and sprinkle with lime juice or a dollop of mayo. Wrap two in a warm burrito skin with your favorite garnishing, or eaten as a crab burger with lettuce, tomato, onion, mayo and mustard. I've not yet try putting them in Udon noodle soup like Tempura. I bet that will work. In fact I'm going to try that for lunch! Stay tuned.

Fettuccine Crab La Vodka

I first tasted this recipe a few years ago on Frost Island; a tiny, sparsely-inhibited and little-known island in the San Juan's.  C got a crabbing license on Monday, 8 years after living by the coast.  Now our fridge is taken over by crabs. Other good crab recipes, anyone?

Ingredients:
Serves 2 as a main dish or 4 if serving with a soup or salad

2 cups of fresh crab meat, shelled and picked well
1/2 small onion, minced
2-3 cloves or garlic, minced
1 Tablespoon Olive oil
1 Tablespoon butter
1 can of crushed tomatoes
1/2 cup of good vodka
1/2 cup of chicken broth
1/2 cup of heavy cream
Salt and Pepper
Fresh basil
1/2 pound of Fettuccine or Penn

1. In a skillet, melt butter and heat olive oil with medium heat, add onion and garlic, saute until translucent.
2. Add vodka and continue heating with medium heat until it reduces to half.
3. Add crushed tomatoes, chicken broth, bring to a boil and simmer.
4. Cook pasta according to the instruction, minus a couple of minutes because it will continue cooking in the sauce later.
5. Add cream to the simmering vodka tomato sauce and let it thicken to your liking, if it is too watery, add a table spoon of tomato paste.  Add salt and pepper to taste.
6. Put drained pasta into the sauce, add crab meat, gently turn and evenly coat with a tong. Once the pasta and crabs are heated through remove the skillet from stove.
7. Serve with fresh chopped basil on top.

Be There Before The Light Arrives

One of my students loaned me a book, "The Writer's Desk" by Jill Krementz. Many well-known writers wrote about "their rooms with a view" and their creative process. Flipping through, what Toni Morrison wrote struck a cord - "For me, light is the signal in the transition. It's not being in the light, it's being there before the light arrives. It enables me, in some sense."

I always get very restless and unhappy if I haven't written for awhile. The writing I talk about here is writing writing, it is not quoting someone, announcing something, writings that have little if any emotional value. As the days are getting shorter, the sun sinks lower each day behind the alders, the seasonal change signaled a transition in me as well. I always get a panicky feeling when the day turns into the night.  I usually resort to a glass of wine, then busy myself with dinner. Sometimes it works to easy my mind because I love cooking; it gives me some creative relief, once it is "night proper" I am fine. One good thing about getting older is that you have lived long enough to see patterns. I have become more and more aware of this recurring "dip" in my days, life and psyche as I get older.

Morrison's words gave me a different perspective on how to interpret light and darkness -" It's not being in the light, it's being there before the light arrives." Days can't exist without nights; light co-exists with darkness. Be there before the light arrives.